


Pain Tolerance

by RaviJane



Series: You're my hero [2]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Complete, Developing Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Marriage Proposal, One Shot, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaviJane/pseuds/RaviJane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cloud grows up in a broken home with an abusive father and a scared mother. he locks his pain away by closing up and thinking too much, trying to fight his feelings for his best friend Zack. But when Zack breaks up with his girlfriend, Cloud reconsiders his chances and tries to ignore the hell of a home he carries around all the time. [Oneshot]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pain Tolerance

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo!  
> Another work of my series :) This one's a little darker than the first one, but also longer.
> 
> Thank you for reading this and leave me a rev or kudo if you liked it ^.^

**Pain tolerance**

 

Your level of pain tolerance increases with every year you turn older. Or so I've heard. Although, I do have to admit, that as for me, this is completely right. Things that used to hurt me nowadays don't even itch me. But what no one mentions is that the pain people cause you also increases, simply because they know that your level rises. And they surely don't want you to get better.

When I was younger, the beatings were occasional. Sometimes Dad's hand would slip or he would hit the back of my head or when I was really young, my hand. But the older I got, the more frequent it happened. Plus, the insults started. But my mum never ever said a word.

The day starts like every other one, me, now 17, waiting for Zack to get me with his car. Zack is my best friend; we've been hanging out for years. Still, he doesn't know about my problems at home. He thinks that's just who I am – socially inept. When I'm with him, I'm a different person. Totally. He even makes me laugh at times. Even though I would never admit it if asked, I am pretty much in love with him. Of course I know my chances equal zero because he's taken and probably straight, but I can't help it. His girlfriend is really pretty and lovely, just like him. I am none of these things. I am just Cloud. Just Cloud.

He and his black car are even later than usual and I have to admit that he looks pretty washed up. “Get in, Cloud, we're late today”. His sound is harsh and I mumble something like 'hello', before I get in. “Are you okay?”. He takes a deep breath and his knuckles turn white. “Listen, Cloud... It'd be wrong form me to let it out on you, but Aerith broke up with me because she's moving away, so please don't expect me to be all cheery today, okay?”. I want to be a good friend and say something nice, something to cheer him up, but instead... instead I just nod. 

Once we arrive in school, I can spy clear traces of him crying. “See ya Cloud”, he mumbles and heads off to his classroom. “Z-Zack...”, I get out and stare after him until the bell rings.

The lessons pass me by eventlessly. I used to be a really good student, and my written tests are still pretty good, but my anxiety makes it really hard for me to be good orally. I have no lessons with Zack, but Yuffie annoys me in chemistry and Vincent and I stay mute at each other in history. He is another good friend, but simply because we're so alike. I count the minutes to lunch break down and race to where Zack and I usually meet. He's already there, so I take a seat next to him. I doubt he notices how fast my heart races. “So...uh...you... wanna talk about it?”, I finally get out. He hesitates. “Well, there's nothing much to say. See, she moves really far away and I'm staying here. Because of that, it's not as hard, plus, we've already... drifted away from each other... but well, I'm still down”. “I understand”, I say, and it takes me so much courage to say the next thing. “But, Zack... there's still others out there”. 

For the very first time today, he smiles. “Yeah, Cloud, you're right. I bet someone out there really needs me and cares for me”. His eyes meet mine and he winks at me. I can't help but blush a deep crimson.

When I come home a couple of weeks later, Zack is with me. He talks and talks and talks and I'm really glad my dad's not home because otherwise Zack would have been yelled at. And that's the worst that could ever happen. Mum treats us some candy and tea and we go into my room. “How about”, he exclaims with his mouth full of chocolate, “we go for a walk once it's dark? I heard it's supposed to snow more tonight”. I agree because I really like the idea... and it's really romantic.

Zack and Aerith have come to the conclusion that they're also fine as friends and I'm happy because Zack is happy. He talks so much and I love to see the smile having returned to his face.

The air is really, really cold, so I try to make my jacket hug me even tighter, but it doesn't really work. The snow falls ever so slowly and the moon shines bright, providing one of the most beautiful nights I've ever seen. “You're not even wearing gloves!”, Zack yelps and embraces my hand with his bigger one. I'm really glad he can't see my blush. 

We mostly remain silent while we walk; we're observing the beauty around us and just keep strolling hand-in-hand. I feel happier than I have in years. 

Then Zack suddenly comes to a halt. I tilt my head to have him explain, but instead, he cups my face with his hands and smiles at me. “You are the cutest thing that's ever crossed my way, Strife”, he whispers and my lips curl up into a smile. How does he manage to make me feel like this? He makes everything seem perfect. “Thank you”. He comes closer and lets his nose touch mine. It feels so damn right. I close my eyes instinctually and within the next few seconds, I feel his lips connect with mine. The touch burns through my entire body and I can't help but grab his waist and pull his body closer to mine. I can feel him smile as we continue to kiss in the snow.

I can't remember how I got home or how Zack and I said goodbye, all I know is that everything feels as if I'm walking on clouds. I push the fact, that my dad is gonna return tomorrow, as far away from me as I can and continue to be impossibly happy about what happened because the only person who's never made me lose my trust, is still here with me and loves me back.

My happiness doesn't last too long.

The next day is a Saturday. When I awake, I already hear my father yelling and my mother leaving the house. A sinking feeling travels down my spine as I hear him coming upstairs and I already know what's going to happen. “Hello son, daddy's back ho-ome!”. The cliché makes me want to throw up even harder.

The happening on Saturday was nothing new to me; I haven't learnt to cope, I've simply learnt to hide. But not from Zack.

I sit down in his car, he kisses me hello. He is so gentle, so lovely, that I simply start crying. I'm overwhelmed by the sea of emotions that suddenly crashes over me. “Hey, Cloud! Hey, baby, hey... what's wrong?”. It's then that I finally tell somebody about what is happening.

Things started changing from that moment on.

Zack urged me to tell the police, so I did. I had no doubts anymore, especially when my mum also confessed that my dad abuses us. He got what he deserved.

I let Zack in more and more, letting him touch me in places I'd never wanted anyone to see, telling him my secrets, my stories. And he would simply listen, listen and tell me he was proud of me, get me from therapy and eat ice cream with me. He taught me how to play the piano and I even came out to my mum. My entire world was changing, due to his brightness in my life.

The first time we properly slept together after a billion of tries where I broke down, had flashbacks or started crying, was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined it to be. Zack was more concerned about my well-being than himself and gosh, he was so gentle. He never laughed at me when I started to cry, he always held me. Every single time.

My mum and I often talk about him. She sees how much good he does for me and she really likes him. We're together more often than apart.

But this has a reason.

Because every time Zack leaves or I leave his house, it feels like reality kicks in. I have the worst flashbacks and I feel like someone tears a hole into my chest. Really, it's so bad, that once I'm home again, I curl up in my bed and wear his shirts, listen to his favourite songs and think about our times together so that I don't break apart. I know that this sounds like corny teenage life, but it has a background. This feeling of losing myself, of breaking in, is the reason why we're constantly in contact, or at least trying to be.

But of course, there are times when it doesn't work. Like right now. It's been a year of us dating and I still love him like I did back then. I will never stop, I guess. But as for now, I'm watching my little cousin and her choir perform a couple of Christmas songs on some kind of winter fair. I'm freezing and I watch my breath come out in clouds. I hear the choir sing, I do, but my mind can't focus. It's always like that. It's like there's only fog in my head and some spare thoughts that appear in no particular order. Sometimes I clap, sometimes I breathe, sometimes I mumble replies to my mum. I can't wait to go home and get my phone to text him. Or even better, skype him. Because if I don't get into contact with him within the next two hours, I'm collapsing.

 But the news tonight aren't good at all. “What?”, I whisper as I look at my laptop's screen. “I'm sorry”, he mutters and I can tell he's been crying. My eyes are already filling with tears, too. “Zack, you can't! I mean, who's gonna take care of me? Who am I gonna hug? Who's gonna love me? Zack!”. The tears are streaming down my cheeks and my hand lands on the screen. “Please come over...”, I whisper, before my words are being choked by tears.

Zack's parents wanted to, no, needed to move, due to his dad having to work in a different city, straight across the country. My heart breaks a little more every day because I know I'm not gonna make it without his cheeriness by my side every day. Without his warmth. “Zack”, I whisper and start crying again.

I'm not a baby, but when Zack leaves, I can't get out of my bed for a week. Because I know he's going to find someone else. He's not gonna marry me. I won't have him forever. He calls me every day, and we talk and text every free minute, but the days keep dragging on. I lose my mind every now and then and break down every other day. I keep imagining him everywhere; his laugh, his voice, his face, his smell. Everyone's really worried. Or at least so they say.

He and I both save money to move together and at least see each other some time soon, but it takes so so so long until we finally manage. December 1st, our two-year-anniversary, shall be the day. I'm already counting seconds. It's like somebody suddenly gave me reason. Reason to live for.

Mum and I hectically clean up the entire house, get my hair styled, my clothes changed and Zack's favourite food in stock. He's gonna stay the entire two weeks of vacation. Two entire weeks! I could hardly be happier.

His arrival is more of a river overflowing than anything else, but feeling him, tasting him, sensing him again has got me on adrenaline for the next fourteen days.

For our anniversary, I got him a small plush-chocobo, representing me. He tells me that he forgot my present at home, but I really don't care. He alone is more than I could ever have asked for.

We take the same walk we used to two years ago and stop at the exact same spot. I want to kiss him, but instead, Zack suddenly goes down on one knee. My eyes widen.

“Cloud... you know I'm terrible at talking and saying important things, but I just need to get my point across. I know how hard it is at the moment, especially for you, fuck, baby, I know and I'm more sorry than you could ever imagine. And of course do I know that you're scared I'll leave you, so I want to promise you I won't because I'm never ever going to. I love you and I care about you so much, I can't even tell. You're my chocobo, Cloud, you are my life. So here, I am asking you: will you marry me?”.

What else but yes could I have said?

 

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this work to my very best friend. The way Cloud feels without Zack exactly displays how I feel without her.  
> I love you so much, thanks for being here. Six years and counting. x


End file.
